Stand up to bullies

We’ve likely been exposed to bullies in our lifetime–in school, within our families, in the workplace–even at church. There are various ways to deal with bullies–avoid them, walk away, try to mediate, or find ways to be in a different location than where the aggressor is. Or . . . we can stand up to bullies. (There are various ways to do that, too).

David

In 1 Samuel, we learn the story of David and Goliath. The Philistine giant, more than nine feet tall, mocked the Israelites as they faced each other at Sokoh in Judah.

Goliath stood and shouted to the ranks of Israel, “Why do you come out and line up for battle? Am I not a Philistine, and are you not the servants of Saul? Choose a man and have him come down to me. (1 Samuel 17:8)

Of course, the Israelites were terrified of the bully. He was a giant!

But, David stood up to Goliath.

So David triumphed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone, without a sword in his hand he struck down the Philistine and killed him. (1 Samuel 17:50)

But we aren’t David, are we?

Where are the bullies?

I’ve had numerous interactions with bullies. You probably have as well.

I gained experience during my career as a teacher–primarily intervening when one student bullied others. Teachers see both sides and we try to help the victim as well as the bully. Most bullies have had physical, social, and emotional trauma that contributes to their aggressive behavior toward others.

Perhaps you’ve experienced bullying in other places–where you work, within your family, road rage on the highway, or a church conflict when bullies seem to flourish.

We all experience peer pressure at times. Sometimes this can be a positive influence, such as when the peer group is striving for healthy behaviors and encourage each other on the journey. Other helpful peer pressure actions can include study groups, support groups (AA, rehab programs, weight loss, etc.), volunteering and assisting for a good cause (relief efforts following a disaster), or modeling kindness to others.

But peer pressure can also lead to negative behaviors and bullying is a strategy used to convince individuals to behave in a way that is harmful to themselves or others.

How do we deal with bullies?

As I mentioned above, we’re not David. He stood up to a much stronger force in order to save his people. Our military does the same to protect us or assist other countries when attacked by bullies seeking power.

But there are other ways we can stand up to bullies besides fighting.

• Get away from the aggressor
• Try to mediate
• Pray for the bully
• Be kind

Get away: Dealing with bullies is painful, but it can also be dangerous. When our physical safety is at risk, or our mental and emotional health are in danger, sometimes the best strategy is to get away. Avoid the bully until we can communicate with them in a calm and safe interaction. In this way, we are not being controlled by the aggressor, we are waiting for a safe place to interact.

Mediate: If it is safe to do so, speak calmly to the bully. Encourage them to express themselves in a polite manner. However, this is not the time to allow verbal or physical abuse. I’m speaking here of a conversation between two adults trying to communicate peacefully with one another. I’m not advocating verbal or physical abuse by either person.

Pray: Pray for the bully. Something in their history has led them to be aggressive and mean. Even if they do not wish to speak with you in a reasonable manner, keep praying!

Be kind: We can choose to be kind and polite in all circumstances. If the aggressor refuses to respond in a like manner, we should “get away,” pray, and try again when he/she is calm.

It’s also imperative for us to protect our children from bullies. Families and school personnel should be watchful for signs of bullying and seek help–both for the victim and the bully. Here is a helpful article containing guidelines and resources to stop bullying and seek help when needed.

Stand up to bullies with love

We just celebrated Mother’s Day. My mother went to be with Jesus 25 years ago. I miss her every day. One of the most important lessons she taught me–and modelled for me on a daily basis–was to be kind–no matter what.

I’m still working on this.

Did your parents or mentors share strategies to help you deal with those who are unhappy, frustrated, and mad at the world? Please share what works for you in mediating conflict.

Overcome evil with good

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written. “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: If your enemy is hungry feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” (Proverbs 25:21-22) Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:17-21).

Jesus is our best role model for sharing love with those who most need it.