Bless who?
Many years ago, about the time cell phones became a necessity instead of a luxury, I received a call just as I was leaving a friend’s home. At that time, I drove a five-speed Mazda, which meant I changed gears manually. This requires two hands to drive when going through the process of changing gears (one to steer and one to change gears). My phone did not have the capability to use Blue Tooth so I couldn’t just push a button on my steering wheel to answer my phone. Nor could I put my phone on speaker.
Glancing at my phone, I noted the call was from a family member. I need to answer, I thought, so I looked for a place to pull over (remember, I couldn’t hold the phone to my ear and change gears, too). On the rural road, I pulled into the first driveway I saw and answered my phone.
Within just a few moments, the homeowner (I assumed), approached my car in an aggressive manner, shouting (with lots of profanity), “What the #$%! do you think you’re doing?”
Looking up into his angry face, I began to stutter out an explanation.
He cut me off. “I don’t give a #$%!,” he yelled. “Get the #$%! out of my driveway.” He stormed off.
I took a deep breath, stepped out of the car, and called out to his retreating back, “I’m so sorry,” in the calmest, steadiest voice I could muster. I scrambled back into my car and left as quickly as I could.
But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.”
Luke 6:27-28
Jesus reminds us to love and bless our enemies. I confess, at the moment of my escape from this man’s anger, I wasn’t thinking of blessing him. I was frightened by his reaction to my presence in his driveway. I was relieved that he wasn’t physically aggressive. However, I was deeply saddened by his anger and sought, through my apology, to let him know I regretted upsetting him.
Was I trying to bless this man?
Not intentionally, but perhaps I did, although at the time, my only thought was to ease his anger and leave.
Who do we want to bless?
Jesus reminds us that it’s easy to love some people:
If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that.
Luke 6:32-33
But what about those people who are hard to love?
We’ve all experienced rudeness, unjust verbal attacks, gossip, and unfair criticism. We’ve made mistakes and been punished more than our mishap deserved. We’ve been misunderstood and accused of things we didn’t do. Sometimes, when we’re treated badly, we don’t even know what we might have done wrong.
How do we bless people who are hard to love?
Pray–both for them and for ourselves in our interactions with them.
Think before we respond. Pray for guidance to speak kindly, rather than responding in anger.
Love them–we don’t have to like someone to love them. React and speak in ways we would want to be treated rather than letting anger, frustration, or revenge rule our response.
Extend mercy–we’ve all messed up, too. Perhaps the person is just having a bad day. Whenever possible, respond to their rudeness with kindness.
Never give up–even when it seems like nothing we say or do will make it better. Keep trying! God will bless our efforts.
But love your enemies, do good to them without expecting anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your father is merciful.
Luke 6:35-36
What actions work for you when striving to love and bless those who want to be your enemy?
Great lesson here Ms. Katherine. Perhaps because I’m a guy, but more likely because I haven’t yet matured in my faith as much as I need, I am much more apt to meet force with a calm preparedness and force of my own. Example, many years ago in IL, I was waiting for a traffic light to change before entering the marked turning lane into a shopping mall. As things started moving slowly, I waited until the painted lane indicator moved right to enter the turning lane. About that time, a sporty black sedan pulls onto the shoulder behinds me to speed into the turning lane I was entering. Since two vehicles can’t normally occupy the same space, he ended up hitting his breaks. I proceeded to make my turn into the mall. As I started down the parking lane, this same vehicle races around me and screeched to a stop. I stop, the driver jumps out and starts to approach my car. As he does, he’s filling the air with a profanity-laced tirade at the top of his lungs about “how I almost got him killed.” Recognizing his road rage, I grabbed my asp baton (Google it), and stepped out of my vehicle. Not in an aggressive manner, but one that would ensure I was on equal footing with the aggressor. I calmly, yet firmly asserted he should “Stop!”, but he just glared at me, filled with anger and rage. At his next step toward me, I extended the asp with a loud snap. Given I stand 6’1″, and was holding a defensive weapon, he decided it wasn’t worth it. He stopped, shouted some more about my driving ability and turned to get back in his car. While a part of me wanted to break his kneecap or elbow, I instead stated in a normal tone, “And I’ll be praying for your anger issues and safe travels home.” With that, he sped off. Situation diffused. Could I have handled it better? Yes. In a more Christ-like manner? Yes. Still, there’s a reason I carry concealed everywhere I go these days. While God will always be with me and protect me, I remember Jesus’ words in Matthew 4:7. Wonderful counsel ma’am; thank you!
I wish I could say that I’ve never wanted to respond to rudeness and aggression with anger and returned aggression, but I cannot truthfully say that. At times, I have a quick temper and say and do things that do not bring peace to a volatile situation. I absolutely understand your need to protect and defend when someone behaves as this person did when he intended to attack you. Road rage is real and dangerous. In my years of long work commutes, I’ve seen a motor vehicle used as a weapon many times. But you defused the situation without harm to either of you and hopefully, he learned a lesson. Thank you for standing up for righteousness, my friend. I know you are a kind and peaceful man unless circumstances direct otherwise. Wishing you a blessed week on the Cross-Dubya.
Katherine, I like your solutions to responding to angry people. But, I must admit, I find it hard to think before I respond verbally. That usually doesn’t help any situation. You inadvertently wrote this for me, right? ;0) Thanks for the reminder!
I’m glad the message spoke to you, Ben, but I write such messages as this one as much for myself as others. Although I’m getting better at curbing my tongue when I want to burst out in angry words, I’m far from perfect. It’s only with our Lord’s help that I’m able to exhibit the Fruit of the Spirit. I hope your week is filled with peaceful moments and many blessings (and no interactions with rude people that tempt you to angry responses!)
“We don’t have to like someone to love them.” I had to read this twice. But with God’s love in our heart, it is true! I’ve never thought of it like that though.
The man you encountered definitely needed love. “He who deserves love least, needs it most.” (I forget where I heard or read that quote, but it’s stuck with me through the years.) And no, it isn’t easy to do, but it is God’s desire for us.
I’ve not heard the saying you shared, Candyce, but I agree with it. I think it is the hurting people that most feel the urge to hurt others. We all probably know someone to whom we should extend grace and kindness, to help them know someone cares. Wishing you blessed week.
Katherine, first I am so thankful you didn’t get hurt by the angry man. I know that is scary when someone encounters you that way. It is difficult to respond the way God wants us to. We have to deny our flesh what it wants to do, but oh does it ever want to do and say the wrong thing sometimes. Thanks for sharing these scriptures.
I agree, Barbara, denying the flesh is challenging. We can’t do it without God’s help, can we? I am so grateful he is patient with us and nurtures us along the pathway of seeking peace. Blessings!
Praying and thinking first are something I need in many situations in my life. I have grown quite a bit. There are some people I need a little more help with than others. Thank you for the reminder.
I smiled at your comment, “There are some people I need a little more help with than others.” Me, too! But like you, with God’s guidance, mercy, and grace, I continue to grow as I strive to live a life which shares the Light of Jesus in me. Sometimes challenges, doubt, and fear dim the light a little, but our Lord always rekindles it through His love. May God continue to bless you in your ministry, Jen.
Katherine, this is one of the best posts I’ve ever read. Your story is perfect, and the list is helpful, especially this thought: “Extend mercy–we’ve all messed up, too.” As I read this list, I thought about how pleased God is when we obey.
I’m so grateful for your encouragement, Jeannie. I know that God has granted me mercy over and over, perhaps others agree in their own personal lives about the gift of mercy. With Jesus as our guide, I pray we all can also extend this gift of mercy to others. As concerns obedience and submission to our Father, I agree with you completely, I believe our Father is blessed when we do so. Jesus, again, is our perfect example.
Once I forgot to stop at the grocery store for a pedestrian who was about to, but had not yet, stepped into the walkway. I drove to the other side of the parking lot, embarrassed by my mistake. When I got out of the car, the woman pedestrian screamed at me from the other side of the lot. I shouted back, “I’m sorry.”
She shouted back “–What?”
Sometimes, the simple apology throws people off when they expect an argument. Sorry that wasn’t the case in that man’s driveway.
Extending mercy is harder than receiving it. And we all want it. Great post!
Nancy, your story is a wonderful example. Although we certainly never want or intend to hurt a pedestrian, sometimes there are so many people and objects we need to observe when driving through a congested area, we may not see a person standing and waiting to cross the street. She had not yet made a move to cross, so you had no way of knowing her intent. Yet, once you realized that she had planned to cross and was angry at you, you apologized. I think that was both gracious and merciful on your part. Thank you for sharing with us.
I think the title had me convicted before I even read this excellent post. We all have messed up. Yup. Thanks so much Katherine!
I’m so thankful we have the God of second (and more) chances. When we mess up, He helps us through it, and shows us the path to do better. Your message this week brought back some of my personal “mess ups,” but also reminded me that with God on my side (and He is always willing to be there), I’m able to do better. Thank you.
What a scary experience! I’m so thankful you were able to leave with no lasting problems! Thank you for your practical ways to handle those people we have trouble loving!
When I look back on it, I wonder how I even had the courage to speak to him, he was so angry. But I’m thankful God was with me. It’s only with God’s help that we can love those people that are hard to love and then I remind myself–I’ve been one of those hard to love people and they granted me grace and mercy. Wishing you joy and blessings.
These types of situations are the most difficult for me relationally. Grateful for your example of extending a measure of grace here, Katherine. Reading through your encounter made my pulse race on your behalf. Only when under the control of the Holy Spirit can we behave like Jesus did when offended.
My pulse was racing, too, Mary! I agree completely, my friend, it is only through the power of the Holy Spirit that we are enabled to respond with kindness and compassion when confronted with anger and rudeness. We are so blessed.
Katherine, you’ve provided some wonderful suggestions in your post. And your example was perfect. I don’t know if I could have gotten out and apologized the way you did. Thank you!
Thank you for your kindness and encouragement, Annie. I couldn’t have overcome my fears and gotten out of the car and apologized without the prompting and guidance of the Holy Spirit. I’m so thankful we’ve been gifted with a loving Counselor to guide us. Wishing you joy and blessings!