Letting go of anger

What do you do when you get angry?

I’m assuming you do get angry on occasion? For whatever reason, God “gifted” us with the emotion of anger. Or, if we don’t like the idea that anger is an emotion, we might describe it as a reaction to a pain or hurt inflicted by circumstances or another person.

 

Whatever we call anger–do you agree that we can control it? We might “feel” the anger (being upset, frustrated, misused, etc.) BUT, we can control our actions that result from that feeling, can’t we?

It’s tough…

So…what do you do when you are angry?

• Lash out with hurtful words against the person that upset you?
• Say bad things about the person or situation to others (i.e. gossip)?
• Use some colorful language (i.e. profanity)?
• Withdraw into silence?
• Hide somewhere and pout?
• Seek revenge?

I confess to all of the above responses at one time or another. I’d like to say that I’ve risen above these impulsive, negative reactions.

But, not always.

What does God’s Word tell us about managing our anger?

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Ephesians 4:31

This should guide all human action so that we don’t cause pain or harm to another or instigate a situation that leads to a response of anger. But, the Apostle Paul’s directive is also meant to guide our  action following a situation where we ourselves become angry. When someone hurts or harms us or a loved one, we are upset.

I’m not just speaking of physical hurt. I include words here–verbal darts cause hurt and pain, too.

Words can hurt!

Anger will occur. It is a normal emotion. It’s what we do with that anger that may cause harm to ourselves and others.

Paul goes further and explains the how and why of getting past our anger and finding forgiveness.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

So…how do we do that?

Pray–We can pray for ourselves and for the one who hurt us. We can pray for peace, for the ability to discuss our feelings without anger or accusation, and for the opportunity to demonstrate love for each other–even when we’re upset.

Talk--We may not, at first, be able to talk to the person that hurt us, but we can cry out to God. We can tell Him about about our hurt, pain, and anger.

If we can converse without additional anger, then we should express our feelings to the one that hurt us. This is not the blame game–this conversation is to express our own feelings. An example is, “I feel sad because I didn’t think that you were listening to me.” This statement expresses our emotion without placing blame. We should use “I” statements to express our feelings.

As much as possible avoid the “you” statements. For example, “You never listen to me!” That presumption that we know the other person’s feelings or intentions and follow with a direct criticism are more likely to escalate the argument rather than diffuse it.

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

Forgive–even when it is hard.

Forgiveness is:

Ceasing to feel resentment for wrongs and offenses; pardon, involving restoration of broken relationships. Primarily, forgiveness is an act of God, releasing sinners from judgment and freeing them from the divine penalty of their sin. Since only God is holy, only God can forgive sin (Mark 2:7; Luke 5:21). Forgiveness is also a human act toward one’s neighbor, given new incentive and emphasis in the NT because of God’s forgiveness in the death of Christ. Hence forgiveness is a uniquely Christian doctrine.”*

 

So if we truly forgive, we also stop feeling resentment toward our offender. Our relationship is restored through forgiveness. Do you agree that this is sometimes very difficult? Do you have a hidden burden of unforgiveness that you carry?

Therefore as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14

We are blessed that our Lord and Savior will guide us along the path of forgiveness. Praying for you, my friends.

 

*Houston, J. M. (1988). Forgiveness. In Baker encyclopedia of the Bible (Vol. 1, p. 810). Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Book House.