Loving when it’s hard
Sometimes people make us angry…
That’s an understatement, isn’t it?
Perhaps our spouse breaks a promise, a colleague spreads a vicious rumor about us or our insurance company puts us on hold for two hours before telling us that our claim has been denied–again! Or, we’re overlooked for a promotion while our laziest coworker moves up the ranks. Conflict can occur at home, in the workplace, or while driving or shopping. People can push our button and we erupt.
Sometimes people just aren’t lovable.
Even those people that we love (family, friends, coworkers) can hurt us.
Yet, Jesus tells us (commands us) to love one another.
“A new command I give you; Love one another. As I have loved you, so must you love one another.” John 13:34
This command to love even includes loving the less lovable.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Matthew 5:43-44
We often assume that church is a place without conflict. We go to church to praise and worship God–there’s no place in church for anger and conflict.
Is there?
Most of the time that is true–and thankfully, most people don’t thrive on conflict. But, if you’ve ever lived through division and controversy in your church, you know the situation can be both volatile and painful for all involved.
Sadly, it doesn’t take much to set off sparks that soon ignite into a full-fledged battle. Differences of opinion can occur over leadership roles, financial issues, unfulfilled expectations or the color of carpet. A power struggle erupts, sides are chosen and battle lines are drawn.
It’s a horrible experience.
Several years ago, our church experienced a tragic conflict. I lamented our pain to a colleague at work. Her response illustrated her wisdom and my lack of understanding.
She said, “People think that conflict in church should never arise, but you have a group of people that feel very strongly–they’re passionate Christians. When people have strong and determined views, there will be conflict. We should expect controversy, instead of being surprised by it.”
Are we more vulnerable in church? Are we looking for a reason to be offended? Do we leave our “thick skin” at home or in the workplace and bring only our “tender” self to church?
When conflict rears its ugly head, our tender heart is bruised. We may fight back, thus perhaps escalating the battle. We may retreat and run away–never to set foot in church again. We may suffer in silence, but our joy in being part of a church family has vanished.
But how does Jesus tell us to respond?
Love…
How do we love when it’s hard? How do we love a family member that constantly hurts us? How do we love a colleague who is jealous and vindictive, putting us down at every opportunity? How do we love a church member that vows to make us leave our church?
Love…
We pray, for ourselves and for the individuals that have caused us pain.
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Romans 12:10
We ask God to guide us through this trial–and pray that we will act according to His will.
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12
We try to demonstrate love–to act in a loving way–even when we don’t feel love at that moment. For example, perhaps someone very close to us, a spouse, a family member or a close friend, betrays our trust. We could lash out in anger or seek revenge. That will probably escalate the situation. In contrast, we could respond in love–“What you did was very painful for me, but I love you and I want us to work through this situation.”
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Romans 12:14
As long as we live and breathe, we’ll face conflict, but because our Lord and Savior has provided us with the example of how to live, we have the most powerful response to pain, anger and hatred–we can respond with love.
We cannot control the actions of others, but we can choose how we react.
Wishing you a blessed week, my friends!
With the episode in Texas yesterday it is clear Satan wants to destroy the church one way or the other. Unfortunately most churches are torn apart my internal conflict. I have seen it happen and it usually happens because of unforgiveness on the part of some individual. We all need to take to heart Matthew 6:15 and understand that God’s love is conditional whether we believe it or not.
“But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:15 Yes, you are right! Thanks for stopping by my blog. Praying for the families in Texas.
So true, :we cannot control the actions of others, but we can control how we react.” Sometimes I find it difficult to keep my emotions in check and respond rationally. I try to remember this quote when choosing my battles; “In the essentials unity, in the non-essentials liberty, in all things charity.” I think you captured the heart of that very well in your blog.
What a wonderful quote, Michelle! Thanks so much for sharing and for stopping by my blog. Wishing you continued blessings.
Thanks for the words of wisdom in this post. I’ve been in church leadership for over twenty years. I’ve seen a lot of conflicts. In the beginning, it was shocking. But then I began to realize, there is no perfect church. Sure, we serve a perfect God, but His people are sinners who are learning and growing. Christ showed us grace, and we must do the same.
I’m sorry to say that I’ve seen a lot of church conflicts, too. It’s so sad! But, as you point out, only God is perfect and although we try to be good, we’re going to mess up–because we’re human! GRACE! that’s the key and we have the wonderful example of Jesus to guide us. Thanks for stopping by, Beckie. Wishing you continued blessings in your ministry.
My community group has been talking about forgiveness. Yes, the church will have conflict, and we need to be foremost in forgiveness when it happens. This is one of our callings!
You are absolutely right, Heather. We are called to be loving and forgiving, just like Jesus teaches us. Thanks for stopping by. Wishing you a blessed week!