Melting the ice
For much of February, winter has pummeled our nation with unrelenting fury. Winter storms powered across the country every week. The northeast has record breaking snow falls as Texas continues to suffer from the effects of sub-zero temperatures, snow, ice, power outages, and a contaminated water supply.
When will spring come?
We’ve had two severe ice storms in the South this past week. Certainly not as horrific as many others have suffered, but trees falling on houses, lengthy power outages, and dangerous driving conditions are always terrifying.
Yesterday the sun shone!
The sun melts ice.
Have you ever been told you are cold-hearted? Or possess a heart of ice?
I have and sadly, it was true. It my young adulthood and early part of my marriage, I struggled with issues of control. More specifically, I felt I had to be in control at all times. I won’t go into the history of this trait except to say it primarily stemmed from childhood trauma from an authoritarian father.
Having a cold heart enables us to distance ourselves from the pain of others. We bury our ability and desire to care under a thick layer of ice. So focused on our own perceived needs, we are unable to show concern or demonstrate compassion for others. We become insensitive to the feelings of family, loved ones, and friends because we don’t allow emotion to penetrate our layer of protection.
Coldness of heart can be a death blow for a marriage or any relationship. If we feel the need to establish a position of power, to make all decisions based on our desires, a relationship cannot survive.
Do not store up for yourself treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:19-21
Jesus spoke these words to His disciples, but they speak to me (and perhaps to you) in many aspects of life. For many years, my treasure was control and just as our Lord predicted, thieves of frustration, anger, jealousy, and strife invaded my life and destroyed my relationships. This destruction is not limited to marriage, coldness of heart can interfere with your work, create strife with family and friends, and cause conflict among your church family.
There is a solution…
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10
We can cry out for help. Our Lord will respond. Through Bible Study, prayer, and support of my fellowship of believers, I worked through some of my childhood trauma and left that burden at my Lord’s feet. I’m not perfect, but with God’s help, I’ve journeyed far from that broken and frozen hearted young woman.
It’s an ongoing journey.
And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7
The Son will melt the ice of our hearts.
Are you experiencing a cold heart in some area of your life? I pray you will have the blessing of a warm heart–a heart that trusts in our Lord for all things. He loves you.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
As we grow older, we do learn those lessons and we are more apt to receive the correction God gives us. He can warm the coldest heart. I, like you, had to learn to let go of some things and let God have control. Blessings, Katherine!
I’m so glad that our Father does not give up on us. When I think of how He has nurtured me with grace and patience through so many character and behavioral challenges and trials (sin if I call it what it really is), I am overwhelmed by His love. Thank you for letting me know I’m not alone. Continuing to wish you good health, safety, and blessings in your new adventure.
As I’ve only been blessed to know you for a few years now Ms. Katherine; I can’t imagine you as a cold-hearted person ma’am. To see how fully God has transformed you is yet another example of His completeness in transforming us into new people when we surrender control to Him. My wife Diane has shared with me the person she was in her youth. It has always seemed like she was speaking about someone else; and in reality she was. Even before her salvation just seven years ago, God blessed me with seeing who she really was and not the façade she would put on for the rest of the world to see. When I see her now, I see the more complete realization of who God allowed me to see all those years ago. I must know include thanking God for His work in your life as well; for from it came a wonderful friendship that I shall long treasure ma’am. God’s blessings gentle friend.
J.D., Sometimes I think our God must want to come down and shake some sense into us and say, “Don’t you know you are MY child and I BELIEVE in your goodness?” Thank you you for seeing the good in me, my friend. There are plenty of areas where I still need a LOT of help (thankfully God is still working on me). I was blessed that Bob believed in me and knew the woman I could be, not the woman I was. And, God, my Father believed in me, too, and never gave up on me. I’ve been so blessed. Blessings to you and sweet, Diane.
That need for control to cover over vulnerable feelings has been one of my problems, too! How very transparent of you to write about your younger self. I agree with J.D., though, that I really can’t imagine you with a cold heart. Thank you for a post about something many of us struggle with.
Thank you for understanding, Kathy. As I’ve matured in years and in faith, I’m thankful God has given me the courage to attempt to face my fears and weaknesses, to give them to Him, rather than trying to hide. He can turn our vulnerable feelings into faith and trust in Him. Our Lord can warm the coldest heart. I’m still on the journey, but so thankful that my steps are guided by my Savior now, rather than my need to be in control. Wishing you blessings, my friend.
You have a kind heart that is loved by all. Telling the story of our journey is so uplifting and courageous. Love to you.
Sweet friend, you have been a mentor and encourager for me for more than 40 years. You’re my role model for how to be kind. The Lord really blessed me when I was assigned to the school we both loved so much. May God continue to bless you. I love you.
Katherine, I always enjoy the transparency and power in your writing. Thank you for leading us to examine our own hearts. Like J.D., I cannot imagine you with a cold heart. We’re all, including me, thankful God redeems our hearts and continues transform us.
You are so kind, Jeannie, to think the best of me. Sadly, I did have a very cold heart. I’m just so grateful that my Father loved me so much He melted the ice and guided me on the journey to be His child, the woman He knew I could be. Of course, I’m not there yet, but thanks be to God, I’ve come a long way.
May He warm my heart as it needs to be thawed and heated. Wonderful message today.
Amen, Nancy. I pray that, too. I’m so grateful for your encouragement.
Katherine, your vulnerability and testimony are both powerful examples of how God can redeem our stories. Childhood trauma impacts each of us differently but God is able to heal and move and prove He is greater than anything the enemy ever intended. I’m so grateful for His goodness to me and for sisters in Christ who share with empathy and understanding.
Peace and grace,
Tammy
Tammy, I could not have reached the stage in my life where I could talk about this trauma of childhood or my failures as a wife without the love and support of my sisters in Christ. Of course, as you know, only our Lord could grant me healing. His love is unconditional, but because I was finally able to recognize that, He gave me the courage to submit. In our weakness, He makes us strong in Him. We are so blessed!
Thank you for sharing warm hearted honesty with us. It was both encouraging and convicting. Appreciate “my treasure was control,” I get that. Thanks Katherine.
Thank you for your understanding, Sylvia. I believe it helps us, on our Christian walk, to know that others struggle with the same issues. I’m so grateful for my faithful sisters (and brothers) in Christ, but especially thankful, for God’s gifts of love and grace.