Say what you mean

For this command is a lamp, this teaching is a light, and correction and instruction are the way to life. Proverbs 6:23

During my many years of mentoring student teachers, I continually emphasized the importance of good classroom management. For students to achieve and develop to their fullest potential, an organized atmosphere of learning is needed. An environment of mutual respect is essential. Creating a classroom environment conducive to engaged learning requires much planning, constant nurturing, and lifelong dedication to do our best. (Sounds a lot like parenting!)

Another important aspect of management is discipline.

Ugh! That’s a situation that we often wish did not have to be addressed, but discipline is essential in all aspects of our lives (more about self-discipline in next week’s blog). So even though we might not like the sound of the word–DISCIPLINE–I think it’s important to understand the necessity of discipline for our children.

Old Testament teachings in regard to discipline focus on developing moral and ethical guidelines for God’s people. Appropriate instruction builds wisdom in our children and leads to the living of a godly life. Don’t we aspire to this for our children and future generations?

Discipline (when used appropriately) is a sign of love. We care enough about our children and students to teach them appropriate behavior. Just as the Lord loves His children, we should love all children.

My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son. Hebrews 12:5-6

Below are a few guidelines I recommended for my student teachers, but I’ve found they work in disciplining my own children, setting limitations for myself, and are also useful in building trusting relationships.

  • Set clear and achievable expectations.
  • Be fair and consistent in all situations.
  • Always “say what you mean” and “mean what you say.”

This last one might require a little explanation.

Have you ever observed an adult interacting with a child that is not respectful of the adult’s authority? The scenario might go something like this…

Adult–“Haven’t I already told you to put away your toys and go to bed? If I have to tell you again I’m going to…”

Child–Rolls their eyes, ignores the adult’s directive, and continues to play with toys. Adult gets distracted by television and the child smiles and continues to play.

Adult (5 minutes later)–“Didn’t I tell you to put away your toys?”

At this point several things may happen–an argument may result, the adult may administer punishment, or the adult may shrug their shoulders and give up (and wonder why in the future the child cannot follow rules or respond appropriately to authority).

In this situation, the adult didn’t mean what they said when they directed the child to pick up toys and go to bed.

Really? Why do I say that? Because, if the adult meant what was said, they would follow through and make sure the child responded to their directions immediately. I’m not advocating any type of physical punishment here, but rather, stressing the importance of communicating clearly what is expected, then following through to be sure the task or action is completed the first time requested.

Children (and adults) need consistency. We need to know what is expected (clear communication), that we are being treated fairly, and that we are accountable for our actions (aware that there are repercussions when rules are disobeyed or we don’t complete an activity or task as required). When we join the workforce, we know that we must perform to a set of standards to be successful in our job. Training for this venture into society begins in childhood.

Saying what we mean and meaning what we say builds respect and trust, not only with our children, but in all relationships.

So, as a mentor, I stressed to my emerging teachers:

  • Say what you mean and mean what you say.
  • If you give directions to a student–watch to see the appropriate response is made.
  • If the expected response doesn’t result–FOLLOW THROUGH to be certain the activity/task is completed as requested.

Those same expectations apply in our relationships as well. We need to know that we can depend on and trust our family, friends, and coworkers to “say what they mean” and “mean what they say.” We need to have confidence that we can depend on and trust the words of others and we owe that same honesty and dependability to our children, spouse, friends, and coworkers.

We need to keep our promises.

Of course, none of us like to be disciplined, but don’t we recognize the necessity of it? If we didn’t have guidelines (rules) for behavior and expect people to follow those guidelines, our society would be in constant conflict and chaos as everyone sought to do whatever they wished without regard for the care and consideration of others.

If you have strategies that have successfully built positive relationships in your home, workplace, and social interactions, please share with us in the comments below.

Wishing you a blessed week, my friends.