Words can break our hearts
Words DO hurt!
Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue is also a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. James 3:6
“I hate you,” the teenage girl screams to her mother before running out of the house.
“We don’t want him on our team,” one student yelled to the teacher. “He’s fat, never hits the ball, and can’t run!”
“You never keep your promises,” the wife cries out to her husband. “It’s just the same old excuses!”
The old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me!” is a falsehood. Yes, physical attacks are painful, but verbal attacks are also devastating. I propose a new statement:
“Sticks and stone may break our bones, but words break our hearts!”
As the Bible reminds us, our tongue is a weapon of fire. It does not shoot blanks…
The tongue fires painful bullets that rip and tear their way through the hearts and minds of our loved ones.
Why do we do it?
Because we can . . .
We speak before we think.
Afterwards we may regret the harsh words and wish we could take them back. We cannot—once spoken, painful words remain between the victim and the aggressor forever. The victim may choose to forgive, but that never erases the actual words or the pain. The only cure for hurtful words is to keep them unsaid!
We may actively seek to wound.
We may know exactly what we are saying and purposefully speak harsh words to punish our loved one for some perceived offense (it may be real) or task left undone. We may even use the excuse of, “I don’t mean to hurt your feelings, but…” (and the hurt is inflicted). In actuality, whether or not we mean to hurt someone’s feelings is not as relevant as the fact that we did. My husband is not a man that likes to apologize (but who does?) Years ago, his typical apology was, “I am sorry you got upset.” My response was always, “But you are not sorry for what you said to upset me?”
Out of the heart come evil thoughts murders, adultery, sexual sins, theft, false testimonies, and insults. These contaminate a person in God’s sight. Matthew 15:19-20
Evil thoughts and insults are ranked in the same list of sins as murder and adultery? Wow! That puts a different perspective on my grumbling about the driver who tailgates me on the interstate, zooms around, then slows to make the exit, forcing me to slam on brakes to keep from rear ending them. I have some evil thoughts at that moment and sometimes verbal insults as well.
What should we do?
James tells us that, “No one can tame the tongue.” (James 3:8). So, is it all hopeless? Are we destined to give and receive those hurtful words that break our hearts and those of our loved ones?
No! We can, with the help of our LORD Jesus, guard our words and tame the tongue. We can replace the hurtful words with affirmation, praise, comfort, and blessing! We can think before we speak and examine our words before they are verbalized. If our words are not helpful (in a constructive manner); if they are not merciful; if they are not words of healing and blessing; they should remain unsaid.
Please share what strategies you use to help control your tongue. If you’re like me, we all slip sometimes and could use the benefit of each other’s wisdom, encouragement, and prayers.
Great post Ms. Katherine. Some of my greatest hurts in life has come from things said to me more than done to me. Both were terrible, but the scars from words hurt much longer than the beatings and physical sufferings. They were much more difficult to heal also. I wish I did more of this, but I try to “walk away” when I’m upset and feel anger brewing. That’s better than lashing out with poisonous words. Another is apply T-H-I-N-K (True, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary, Kind) before I speak. I need to apply both of these more in my life.
Your acronym is wonderful, my friend. If we always thought before we speak–“Is what I’m going to say True, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary, and Kind?” our world would be a much more loving and compassionate place. Of course, just because something is true, doesn’t mean it should be said unless ALL those other factors are considered. The truth can still be painful and if it isn’t helpful or needed, then it is often best to say nothing. Gossip would not be so painful if everyone followed your guidelines. Thank you!
Posts about words are so important because we live our life with words. God tells us how much power our words have. The only way to control whether they are good or bad is to have so much of God’s Word in us, that is what comes out when we open our mouths. Thanks, Katherine, for this timely post.
Yes, Barbara, you are absolutely right. Without God, hurtful words spew from our mouths, doing painful damage to the recipient. We are blessed that our Lord guides us and gives us the chance to always do better in our interactions with others.
A long time ago I read a plaque with these wise words:
Your thoughts become your words;
Your words become your actions;
Your actions become your destiny.
So I think it starts with our thoughts which are harder to control than our words. If only we were able to take captive our every thought. I use Ps 19:14 as a prayer when I’m facing a difficult conversation with anyone – or when I know I’ll be interacting with someone who pushes my buttons.
Something I really need to do is let go those words from long ago that have wounded me. I have forgiven the person(s), but I’ve not forgotten the words and they still surface occasionally.
So many good thoughts, Candyce. Thank you for sharing. I agree about those “words from long ago.” They seem to be lurking in the background just waiting for a moment of weakness when we take them out and absorb that hurt and pain all over again. Then, of course, I’m tempted to say something that I shouldn’t because I’ve rekindled that flame of sorrow and anger. The wise words you shared are memorable–I pray that we can remember and act with love and kindness in our interactions. We can make the world a better place–one kindness at a time.
How often has the words of others broken my heart? There are too many times to count, but it’s a lot more often than someone has hurt me with a stick. I can promise that. I’m so glad you wrote this post. i don’t think people realize how destructive they are with their words. this post has encouraged me.
Thank you, Joshua. If you’re like me, you’re often called to write about the traits, characteristics, or behaviors that you most need to work on. For years I’ve worked on being kinder and more compassionate with my words to others. But, like you, I’ve been hurt a lot, too. I’m praying for a more loving world. An important aspect of that is being more loving in our actions and that includes our words. Thank you for your encouragement.
Katherine,
A great topic we can never get enough of. We have all been the giver or recipient of hurtful words. The thing with words is you cannot take them back. You can apologize, but it doesn’t erase them from the person’s mind and heart.
I’m so glad the Lord has given us His instructions to help us grow in maturity in how we speak. I often quote Psalm 141:3 “Set a guard over my mouth, Lord. Keep watch over the doors of my lips.”
I agree, Beckie. I think God recognizes how slow we are to learn this lesson so He keeps nudging us to do better. I try to keep Psalm 141:3 close to my heart, too. I need that daily support from our Lord.